This image from the internet inspired me to write this blog post. It’s really strange — and beautiful — how certain images trigger different emotions is us.
I’d been a lustful man all my life. The only aim was to have sexual intercourse with all the women I met; mostly on the first date.
And guess what? I was even getting good at it.
It wasn’t that bad but many times it brought my inner-self in guilt and embarrassment; but only when I started to introspect. When I was in the mode of ignorance, I was in bliss. But there’re lessons to be learned.
Blessed are the pure in heart; for they shall see God.
The above quote is an old saying. Although I didn’t see God as such, my being pure to some, I felt really good — to date I feel the goodness. And for me this goodness is God. Having said this, I’m experiencing a complete rewind in my life-journey. I’m going back to my school-college life where these three girls were the only ones that I never looked upon with my lusty eyes, or let’s say that these three girls kept me pure all my life.
- I clearly remember it was 1988. Hindi film Tezaab was released in theaters across India and the bud of fondness was released in my heart. She was in the same school but another class. I adored her; a lot.
- In 1994, there was another who I adored. She was a different human altogether but I guess we were different. She was quiet and I was a violent wind of words. That cuteness must have killed many in school.
- After school, I entered college in 1995 and met her. She was the first female friend ever. I remember talking to her on the phone for hours. She was so dynamic and yet so simple at heart.
I don’t know but I never had any lustful feeling about them. I respected them for what they’re and not what I wanted them to be. They still are in touch and we’re good friends now but the purity of my heart will always remain.
I also remember another incident from college days. There was a student whom I used to teach Economics. I was good at studies and used to take tuition for pocket money. She secured good marks in the subject and offered me a gift. She was one bad-ass girl all the boys wanted to be with. I politely rejected any gift other than a fee. She insisted that I can ask anything, even her body as a gift. I just asked her to smile and be a good person in life.
She was furious, really but I’m happy with what I did.
I feel that it isn’t about lust all the time. It isn’t about lust most of the time but another emotion that keeps us running. And emotional diversity in any way good for health.
Like in the case of these three women, there was no love as such, but there was a pure fondness; a selfless one-way one. But, all said and done, I feel great when I think about these three women who gave me a different dimension altogether. It’s because of them I’m a useful, sober, balanced, and mindful human being.
Although it was sometimes about lust or sometimes it wasn’t, lust was a great teacher to me. It has brought out the best and worst in me from time-to-time.