Rape: The Culture, Blame Game, and Silence

Recently, there was a horrible incident of rape in India.

Rape — physical and mental — has been going around in the world since time immemorial. The whole social media of India is busy ranting about these rapes. People are busy blaming the government, rapists, new age,  media, society, and even God.

I’m silent.

I don’t blame anyone except myself.

I’m working on the inside.

I didn’t want to write on this topic. I don’t think I’ve got that aptitude to write on intellectual and sensitive topics but an article from my friend Dr. Cicilia Chettiar inspired me to express my thoughts.

I consider myself an amateur when it comes to current affairs and understanding of life but in the capacity of a student of psychology and an emotional wellness volunteer, I can see that most of us are missing; in the storm of ranting, blaming and sobbing.

PS: This piece of writing is my perspective and no one needs to agree or disagree with it. I repeat, I’m no expert but I do — like others — have a voice and freedom to express it. 

I’m silent.

I don’t blame anyone except myself.

I’m working on the inside.

I got the opportunity to see life l closely while on my 4-year-long sabbatical. I’d a lot of time on me and I spent it wisely for volunteering for humans that are not so fortunate as me, who are marginalized, suppressed, economically background, and jilted by society. Underline the word society here because it’s the same society that we all have created together.

I used to volunteer a lot with police and inmates in different prisons in India. I spent a lot of time with criminals. One important lesson that I learned with them is that no one is a born criminal; minus certain exceptions. Most of the inmates in the jail were forced into crime by situations created by society; whether it was poverty or revenge. They committed a crime because of the socially deprived them of something. That something, many times, was food, clothing, and shelter.

The criminals are victims themselves.

Now, that doesn’t give anyone permission to kill or rape others. Nope, not justified but if we want to understand the essence and psychology of a crime or criminal, we have to look at all the elements that surround the criminal — family, friends, education, belief systems, etc. Most of the crimes, especially rape, happen due to an ill mentality that is passed on by the family.

For hundreds of years, we’ve created an objectified image of women. Wrong translations of holy books have furthered distorted the image of women and glorified the men.

We never had sex education in our culture and this adds to the monster in the human who is slowly becoming a prospective criminal; man or woman both. You will be shocked to listen to crime stories of women, especially related to sex and fraud. Media doesn’t show any of that and I don’t know why.

Rape isn’t a tool to satisfy the lust of these monstrous men. It never was. Even if you read ancient scriptures and listen to folklore, you can understand that rape is a vulgar-display-of-power game.

These men, or young boys, are mistreated and jilted all their life by their families and society, and hence they have an urge to do something to show to the world their strength. And as per their understanding of life — created by society — the simplest way is to show their power on someone who can’t rebel much in front of them and society. Rape then becomes the easiest and simplest way out.

The criminals are victims themselves.

Most of the convicted rapists I met in prisons are living in guilt now and the punishment hasn’t changed anything in them. They’ve become more frustrated and are vulnerable to commit more crimes in the future.

The idea isn’t to punish but reform them.

We can punish someone who’s going out of the track and committing a crime that’s considered a social evil. Rape for them and their society isn’t a social evil. Not going to the place of worship, or not giving dowry on a daughter’s marriage or giving birth to a daughter is a social evil.

Things are changing in society, but extremely slowly. I condemn these crimes against women and am in favor of giving strict punishments to these criminals but this alone will never help the woman to live a safe and secure life in India.

Society — I used this word many times in this blog post. Now, what and who makes this society? Is it some foreign force or is it us? As per my little understanding of life, we’re the one who makes this society. We’re the ones who are families and friends to these criminals. We’re the ones who let it happen. We’re the one who remains silent and plays a silent spectator when a crime is happening.

How many of us become an eyewitness to a crime, help an injured person on the road,  offer volunteering with the police or in prisons for the betterment of forces, spend time with children in slums to educate or support them, give time to listen to others unconditionally, hold each other’s hand in time of distress, follow simple traffic rules, don’t litter or do drink and drive or have not mistreated a woman at least once in a lifetime?

Look inside.

The biggest culprit lies within ourselves. We’re the ones who have made this world the way it is and now, we’re blaming governments, political parties, system, law and order, media, and as I said, even God.

The action must have been taken when the first man was ogling at a first woman. The action must have been taken when the first woman was sold, tortured, and raped by men to the first customer.

Nothing much can be done now.

I’m neither positive nor negative, I’m realistic. Strict laws don’t scare these men. Laws or morality can only scare or affect people who are alive. Unconscious people, intoxicated don’t get affected by any law or moral value. Most of us are either dead or unconscious; by our private traps.

No, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t stop fighting or not question the people who are responsible. We should fight for our right and a safe society; with everyone on the planet. But at the moment, I feel, our anger isn’t in the right direction. Directionless anger is of no use. These aren’t my words but pearls of wisdom from ancient scriptures.

Popular world leaders used their anger in the right direction and got the desired result for their countries. They knew how to cultivate their anger and use it against their enemy in the right way; at the right time.

Candle marches and silent protest with posters isn’t going to meet much to get a solution. This is only good for solace but for a solution, we need sacrifice, we need reforms, we need a better government, we need sweat, we need blood, we need imagination, we need time, we need compassion and above all, we need a good society.

Love about the cause and a spirit to fight it till the end.

I have spent many nights in red-light areas with my lustful friends; in Mumbai. I didn’t do what they did but I accompanied them. While sitting outside, I used to observe the people who came there. Most of them were intoxicated; they were under the influence of lust, alcohol or false ego.  Each one had this inner urge to display their vulgar power onto someone and the poor girls became their victims.

I’ve seen young girls being stripped, tortured and raped in front of everyone by their first customer who paid a high price to deflower them. I’ve seen it all. In fact, many of us have seen it all. Surprisingly, some of those friends who are still part of this dirty game are standing with a poster in a protest rally.

But do we really care to stop this? Did we ever care?

This bullshit is going around for many years in all cities of India. How come no one ever protested for this? No man, no woman held a poster or candle in favor of these little girls how are bought, sold, tortured, raped and even murdered every day.

Someone said to me the other day that it’s too much now and I’m furious. The answer to such ignorance is that this has happened since time immemorial and we have been silent. In fact, we were never silent, we just have blamed someone else for this and waiting for someone else to clean this mess.

I’m against such monsters in the society but I also condemn all of us who make this society. We objectify woman and man all the time in the media. We crack vulgar jokes and give it a tag of humor.

Don’t wait for something to become a tumor and then act on it.

I’m silent.

I don’t blame anyone except myself.

I’m working on the inside.

I don’t say that I know it all. I don’t even say that I know a little but what I understand in the capacity of a student of psychology and an emotional wellness volunteer, is that we have to stop blaming others for heinous crimes and take our anger in the right direction.

Most important is to look inside and introspect about the world we’re creating. It’s one of us most of the times, who creates the criminal. It’s one of us most of the times, who creates the victim.

We live in a state of ignorance and call it a bliss. Ignorance is not bliss, it’s a form of suffering.

We all are rapists. We dirty our country, we break laws, we evade taxes, we hurt others, we indulge in social evils, and then for one day, we stand with a certain poster condemning someone else who has done a social evil.

Most of us go to some place of worship, read holy books. In all holy books, there is a mention of principles of living a good and happy life. If most of these — believers — read these books and go to the places of worship, why are the cries increasing day-after-day?

It clearly means that our operating system is affected by a virus. Either we are nor following what our belief system is saying or we don’t understand what we believe the system is.

There’s something wrong inside.

You may or may not agree with what I feel, and you’re free to feel whatever. I don’t care but what I do care about is that we still have a chance to build a better world for us and our next generation. For that, we need to give up blaming.

When you blame, you surrender the power to change. All of us are powerful beings; in our own little ways. One person is not responsible for who he or she becomes — the entire family and society are responsible.

Let’s not get away by saying I PAY MY TAXES AND IT’S THE GOVERNMENT’S RESPONSIBILITY TO BRING CHANGE. Paying your taxes on time isn’t enough, we’ve got to be the change we wish to see in this world.

Everyone has the power to bring a change, and everyone must try to do it. Together we can!