Moving on seems impossible at first. One may feel like they will never get over their relationship. This blog post is for everyone out there who doesn’t think they will move on. I assure you, that’s part of the process.
It will take time, probably longer than you might think. I am talking about being fully cleansed of all hang-ups and scars from the incident, not just moving on on a surface level. At this stage, you might be really lost and out of happiness. I have some really good tips for true and everlasting happiness but in this blog post, we’ll stick to the topic of moving on.
Depending on how deep the emotional impact was, it might take several phases before you can really move on. Each step is an act of healing in itself. Here are some tips—from my personal experience—to help you on this healing journey.
- Clear your baggage. Acknowledge, accept and let go of your feelings: If the relationship was intense, your baggage will probably include hate, grief, anger, fear, shame and other deeper emotions. Whatever the emotion is, open yourself to the emotion fully. This means if you hate the person, feel that hatred. If you feel sad, feel sadness. Cry if need be. Take time out for yourself to process these feelings. Don’t block them away. Embrace them and accept them. As you connect with these emotions, slowly let them go. Feel them, understand the source, then release them.
- Share with your close friend: You don’t have to go through this alone. Your friends are there for a reason, to help you, support you, and pull you through this period.
- Reduce contact: The initial healing period of every wound is always the most delicate. During this time, you wouldn’t want anything to come near and agitate your wound. Because of that, it might help to reduce contact with this person at the beginning, if that’s what it’s going to take to move on faster. Reducing contact will make it easy for you to gain clarity on the situation. You’ll understand the layers of your relationship.
- Seek closure: This is very important otherwise the broken relationship will become a lifetime wound. At the end of an unrequited or broken relationship, there are going to be a lot of unspoken words, questions, and pent-up emotions. Arrange for a heartfelt talk with that person and get your questions cleared. Ask for the opposite side of the story. Listen. Talk it out.
- Forgive and ask for forgiveness: It said that whenever we refuse to forgive someone, the person we are not forgiving is really ourselves. Think about how you are denying yourself of so much happiness by holding on to your grievances. Think about how you are preventing yourself from experiencing your real love because you are still hanging on to this baggage. Whenever you hold on to something, you prevent yourself from receiving new things in life. Forgive yourself for putting yourself through this trauma. Forgive yourself for everything that has happened. As you forgive yourself, forgiveness of the other person will occur naturally.
- Get into some activities: What are the things that perk you up? Things that excite you, enthuse you, make you feel rejuvenated? Exercising? Jogging? Swimming? Cycling? Rollerblading? Traveling? Going out with friends? Movies? Watching a drama? Reading a book? Engage yourself in them.
- Make social connections: Meet new people. Meeting new people, friends or romantic potentials alike, reminds how there is a whole world out there. There are many great people to know out there and learn from their perspective. Someone might benefit from your story, help them and the good will come back to you in multiples.
- Understand that it’s normal to have a break-up: Life is a series of experiment and adventure. Sometimes you fail, sometimes you succeed. There’s no formula for life. there’s no agreement that life will be smooth and as per your need. People come and people go—that’s life.
- Recognize there is someone out there for you: You’re definitely not the only single out there in the world. Look around you. There are more than 7 billion people in the world. There is someone out there for you. Just because you are single now doesn’t mean you will remain forever single. And being single isn’t bad at all.
We need relationships with others to see ourselves more clearly. Every relationship we have reflects back to us what we are putting out into the world. Know that a relationship isn’t a failure just because it ended. If you grew as a person and learned something to move your life forward, then it served a purpose and was truly a success.