Rape Culture, Blame Game And Silence

Recently, there were horrible incidents of rapes in India. Not that it’s just in 2018, but these have shocked the country.

Rape—physical and mental—have been going around in the world since time immemorial. The whole social media of India is busy ranting about these rapes—some are blaming government, some are blaming the rapists, some are blaming the victims, some are blaming the new age, some are blaming media, some are blaming the society and some are even blaming God.

I am silent.

I am don’t blame anyone except myself.

I am working inside.

I didn’t want to write on this topic. I don’t think I have that aptitude to write on intellectual and sensitive topics but an article from my friend Cicilia Chettiar inspired me to express my thoughts.

I consider my an amateur when it comes to current affairs and understanding of life but in the capacity of student of psychology and an emotional wellness volunteer, I can see that most of us are missing; in the storm of ranting, blaming and sobbing.

This piece of writing is my perspective and no one needs to agree or disagree with it. I repeat, I am no expert but I do—like others—have a voice and freedom to express it. 

I am silent.

I don’t blame anyone except myself.

I am working inside.

I got the opportunity to see life l closely while on my 4-year long sabbatical. I had a lot of time on me and I spent it wisely for volunteering for humans that are not so fortunate like me, who are marginalized, suppressed, economically background and jilted by the society. Underline the word society here because it’s the same society that we all have created together.

I used to volunteer a lot with police and inmates in different prisons of India. I spent much time with criminals. One important lesson that I learnt with them is not no one is a born criminal; minus certain exceptions. Most of the inmates in the jail were forced into crime by situations created by the society; whether it was poverty or revenge. They committed a crime because of the society deprived them of something. That something, many a times, were food, clothing and shelter.

The criminals are victims themselves.

Now, that doesn’t give anyone the permit to kill or rape others. Nope, not justified but if we really want to understand the essence and psychology of a crime or criminal, we have to look at all the elements that surround him—family, friends, education, belief systems etc. Most of the crimes, especially rape, happen due to an ill mentality that are passed on by the family.

Since hundreds of years, we have created an objectified image of women. Wrong translations of holy books have furthered distorted the image of women and glorified the men. We never had sex education in our culture and this adds to the monster in the human who is slowly becoming a prospective criminal; man or woman both. You will be shocked to listen to crime stories of women, especially related to sex and fraud. Media doesn’t show any of that and I don’t know why.

girl-crying.jpg

Rape is not a tool to satisfy lust of these monstrous men. It never was. Even if you read ancient scriptures and listen to folklore, you can understand that rape is a vulgar-display-of-power game. These men, or young boys, are mistreated and jilted all their life by their families and the society, and hence they have an urge to do something to show to the world their strength. And as per their understanding of life—created by the society—the simplest way is to show their power on someone who can’t rebel much in front of them and the society. Rape, then becomes the easiest and simplest way out.

The criminals are victims themselves.

Most of the convicted rapists I met in prisons are living in guilt now and the punishment hasn’t changed anything in them. They have become more frustrated and are vulnerable to commit more crimes in future.

The idea is not to punish but reform them.

We can punish someone who is going out of the track and committing a crime that is considered as a social evil. Rape for them, and their society, is not a social evil. Not going to the place or worship, or not giving dowry on daughter’s marriage or giving birth to a daughter is a social evil.

Things are changing in the society, but extremely slowly. I condemn these crimes against women and am in favor of giving strict punishments to these criminals but this alone will never help the woman to live a safe and secure life in India.

Society—I used this word many times in this blog post. Now, what and who makes this society? Is it some foreign force or is it us? As per my little understanding of life, we’re the one who make this society. We’re the ones who are families and friends to these criminals. We’re the ones who let it happen. We’re the one who remain silent and play a silent spectator when a crime is happening.

How many of us become an eye witness to a crime? How many of us help an injured person on the road? How many of us volunteer with the police or in prisons for the betterment of forces? How many of us spend time with children in slums to educate and support them? How many of us give time to listen to others unconditionally? How many hold each other’s hand in time of distress? How many of us follow simple traffic rules? How many of us don’t litter or do drink and drive? How many of us have not mistreated a woman at least once in a lifetime?

Look inside.

The biggest culprit lies within ourselves. We are the ones who have made this world the way it is and now, we’re blaming governments, political parties, system, law and order, media and as I said, even God.

The action must have been taken when the first man was ogling at a first woman. The action must have been taken when the first woman was sold, tortured and raped by men to the first customer.

Nothing much can be done now.

I am neither positive, nor negative, I am realistic. Strict laws don’t scare these men. Laws or morality can only scare or affect people who are alive. People who are unconscious, intoxicated don’t get affected by any law or moral value. Most of us are either dead or unconscious; by our own private traps.

no rape

No, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t stop fighting or not questioning the people who are responsible. We should fight for our right and a safe society; with everyone on the planet. But at the moment, I feel, our anger is not in the right direction. Directionless anger is of no use. These are not my words but pearls of wisdom from ancient scriptures.

Popular world leaders used their anger in right direction and got desired result for their countries. They knew how to cultivate their anger and sue it against their enemy in the right way; at the right time. Candle marches and silent protest with posters isn’t going to meet much to get a solution. This is only good for solace but for solution, we need sacrifice, we need reforms, we need a better government, we need sweat, we need blood, we need imagination, we need time, we need compassion and above all we need a good society.

Love about the cause and a spirit to fight it till the end.

I have spent many nights in red-light areas with my lustful friends; in Mumbai. I didn’t do what they did but I accompanied them. While sitting outside, I used to observe the people who came there. Most of them were intoxicated; they were under the influence of lust, alcohol or false ego.  Each one had this inner urge to display their vulgar power onto someone and the poor girls became their victims.

I have seen young girls being stripped, tortured and raped in front of everyone by their first customer who paid a high price to deflower them. I have seen it all. In fact, many of us have seen it all. Surprisingly, some of those friends who are still part of this dirty game are standing with a poster in a protest rally.

But do we really care to stop this? Did we ever care?

This bullshit is going around since many years in all cities of India. How come no one ever protested for this? No man, no woman held a poster or candle in favor of these little girl how are bought, sold, tortured, raped and even murdered every day.

Someone said to me the other day that it’s too much now and I am furious. The answer to such ignorance is that this has happened since time immemorial and we have been silent. In fact, we were never silent, we just have blamed someone else for this and waiting for someone else to clean this mess.

I am against such monsters in the society but I also condemn all of us who make this society. We objectify woman and man all the time in media. We crack vulgar jokes and give it a tag of humor.

Don’t wait something to become a tumor and then act on it.

I am silent.

I don’t blame anyone except myself.

I am working inside.

I don’t say that I know it all. I don’t even say that I know a little but what I understand in the capacity of a student of psychology and an emotional wellness volunteer, is that we have to stop blaming others for heinous crimes and take our anger in right direction.

Most important is to look inside and introspect about the world we’re creating. It’s one of us most of the times, who creates the criminal. It’s one of us most of the times, who creates the victim.

We live in the state of ignorance and call it a bliss. Ignorance is not bliss, it’s a form of suffering.

We all are rapists. We dirty our country, we break laws, we evade taxes, we hurt others, we indulge in social evils, and then for one day, we stand with a certain poster condemning someone else who has done a social evil.

Most of us go to some or the other place of worship, read holy books. In all holy books, there is a mention of principles of living a good and happy life. If most of these—believers—read these books and go to the places of worship, why are the cries increasing day-after-day?

It clearly means that our operating system is effected with a virus. Either we are nor following what our belief system is saying or we don’t understand what our believe system is.

There’s something wrong inside.

You may or may not agree to what I feel, and you’re free to feel whatever. I don’t care but what I do care is that we still have a chance to build a better world for us and our next generation. For that, we need to give up blaming.

When you blame, you surrender the power to change. All of us are powerful beings; in our own little ways. One person is not responsible for who he or she becomes—the entire family and society is responsible.

Let’s not get away by saying I PAY MY TAXES AND IT’S THE GOVERNMENT’S RESPONSIBILITY TO BRING CHANGE. Paying your taxes on time isn’t enough, we have to be the change we wish to see in this world.

Everyone has the power to bring a change, and everyone must try to do it. Together we can!

 

5 thoughts on “Rape Culture, Blame Game And Silence

  1. This post is so incredibly hard-hitting ! Thank you for being brutally honest, and having the courage to blame yourself. Every one of us should do the same. Criminals aren’t born in a day, we are all contributors. Very true.

    Like

  2. Beautiful and Honest article Auggie. Thanks. There is defn something wrong inside and we all have to work on it…in our own way to create more love amongst us.

    Liked by 1 person

Thank you very much!

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